St. Augustine

Yesterday I wanted to restore a smile and only got silence. I tried to capture a memory, but it was already gone. I waited for you at the platform but the twilight came instead. Nothing is like before. Those lights do not shine as they did then, or the nights are everlasting, or the evenings magical, or your sight endless. Now everything is pointless. There is no fight, there is no finish line, there is no end, there is just being, remaining, waiting for that distinct event that marks the end of the apathy. The seas no longer wave, I do not find you around the corner, the rain does not get me wet, or I am afraid you are leaving. I do not wait for you, because now you are here, although I am aware you never are. I do not need you to talk to me to be able to listen to you, or to cry to know you are sad, or to tell me what you are thinking, because I already know it. Now that everything is dead I come to a funeral with neither guests nor tears. Yesterday was intense but painful and I do not want to revive it again. Maybe the lethargic calm is gray and thick. Maybe the memories are subjective selections of the best moments, and the worst, obvious. That is why is not good backing away and reopening wounds that were forgotten at the bottom of a shoe box. What is left, then? Which way do you take when you are aware that nothing will be what it was some day? I cannot stop and shout. I might get crazy, perhaps, go around myself until I, disoriented, collapse. I do not know, I do not care, who cares? In the end, I am nothing but a lost dot in the middle of the nothingness. My existence will not get out, no one cares about what happens to me because, seriously, I will not have an impact on their lives. And it is true, eventually nothing happens, no matter what happens, everything falls into oblivion sooner or later. Every wound heals and every pain mitigates, and I... I will simply die without anyone ever knowing that I once believed to be the reason to all. Go back to your stardust and whisper in my ear how much you needed me.

We have exceeded the established limits, we have opened all the forbidden doors. There are no new mysteries or adventures to live. We have walked every path without finding what we imagined once. Perhaps we have to take our sight out of focus, look down and look for it in that other place, where that warm distant evening at the fort we felt like gods and we started this journey. There, I will wait for you, with the same innocence, but with the wisdom that emanates from every scar. With an awaken mind and a calm heart. With longing, without fear, without judgement. Alone. Naked. Just us.