Ants

"When are you leaving?" he asked.

"In a couple of hours," B grabbed a book from his desk and put it inside his backpack. " I wish I wouldn't need to get certified."

"Is L leading the class tomorrow?"

"No," silence. "Why don't you do it?"

"Me?" surprised. "I've never done that before. I don't know if I'm..."

"I wouldn't ask you if I thought you weren't able to," B took his backpack, which was already packed, and headed to the door. "Have a nice weekend!"

"Mahalo bra!"

"Respect!"

"Are you gonna do it?" she had been listening in silence to their conversation.

"I will, I will."

He sat there. He felt like the day before an exam. He enjoyed the feeling. He, somehow, missed it.

B had been leading that class every Saturday morning for two years. A gift. The few times he could not make it he would ask a certified instructor or an advanced student to lead the class. He was not a certified instructor and although he had been going to that class every Saturday morning since it started he did not feel himself as an advanced student.

He thought about himself leading the class while going over a book that he borrowed from B. He was not yet comfortable about the idea. Being in front of the class. Being the instructor. Small. Big. All his problems, issues, showed up at once in his mind. Distraction. He prepared the class the best he could before falling sleep on the floor. Next to him, the book, a couple of papers full of drawings and text, a pen.

He woke up early after, like everyday, five hours of sleep. Brief meditation. He had breakfast, his favorite meal of the day. Chocolate milk with cereal, orange juice, fresh fruit with cinnnamon, yogurt. For a second he wished no one would show up. He knew there was not going to be a crowded class. Whenever B was out of town and he mentioned it on his friendly reminder electronic mails most people would just stay at home. Saturday morning in bed. B did not like that. He did not like that either.

He rode ten miles from his place to the park. He did not have a car although he had been told many times that it was impossible to survive without one in Gainesville. He loved the feeling of the morning breeze on his face. Empty streets. Runners. He arrived in the park at seven thirty, thirty minutes before the class was supposed to start. He set up his mat and waited in a crossed-legged position. Butterflies smiling, messing with the cereal. Deepness.

Awareness.

When he opened his eyes again he felt different. The butterflies were not inside him anymore. They were around him, all over the place. Beautiful. Six people showed up. Only then he felt ready. He knew it was moment for him to learn, to share, to enjoy.

"B is out of town, isn't he? Do you know who is gonna lead the class?" N, a certified instructor, asked.

"I am, but..." the words came out of his mouth without even thinking about it. "This is not a class, at least not anymore. B started something that doesn't need him anymore, and that's precisely the beauty of it. Whenever he's around it's great to be leaded by him, but when he's not, it's also great to be leaded by whoever feels to. This is us and we're all the same. This is a group. It'd be great to share the lead with you today and whoever is interested."

N accepted and the class started. He felt comfortable right from the beginning. Deep breathing. He did not even need to follow his notes. Flow. At some point N took the lead. He was happy to see that what he suggested to do was similar to what he had thought the night before. Time going by. He took the lead back. After two hours the sun was higher and the heat became too intense. They dived into the relaxation pose. He had always been one of the people lying on the floor with their eyes closed listening to the birds, the squirrels, the dogs, someone's breathing, B's gentle voice... Not this time. Something caught his eye.

"Namaste!"

"There are a lot of insects, a lot of ants," M said.

"Mmm..." he smiled. "I was actually thinking about that while you were sleeping. Some of you weren't able to fully relax because of that. You would bring your attention once and again to the presence of an insect in your leg, arm, face. So, in the end, you weren't able to relax. It is funny also how the longer the time you would lay, the less times you would bring your attention to that. An ant is just that, an ant, and, think about this, there's nothing the ants around here could do to you while you are trying to relax. Why would you let them distract you? You can go further now and think about problems, issues, in terms of insects. Why would you let them distract you from being relaxed, calm, aware? They are there, you can face them whenever you feel like to, don't let them lead you. You can bring back your attention to those insects and get rid of them, or not, when you finish your relaxation... Anyways, this is only what I think and, as always, I'm probably wrong..."

M and R smiled. People started to leave the park wishing him a great weekend. Life.

He walked away, slowly, carrying his bike and feeling grateful...

Thanks B.