diariofrenia - 5ive of se7en

I think about them. They are my friends. From yesterday. From today. From tomorrow. From always. From never.

I remember DI and EL, hiding with me, fugitive kids. It was the first time I knew what that curious term meant. I remember TOR and AN, and immediately look at the infinite sky. I remember TA, TO, LAS. Journeys of no return, silent kisses, shouted secrets, naked sights. MON came tonight, in black and white. I was afraid I had forgotten about him. He came alone and let me know that everything was forgiven. SIN is good and says hello, he told me as well. LOS is still there, he always is. US understands me better than the rest, so different to each other, but so similar at the same time. SO sends me a kiss, I send him two. ET wields her magic wand to melt the oblivion. LE's eyes laugh and I smile. I witness her luck, despite the mist. CU hides, she's quiet, but I close my eyes and can see her. PAN, unidirectional as today, pushes me towards the most enigmatic of my destinations, my whys. MI wakes me up with a song. YO walks alone. PE is by my side. NU agrees. FA waits. There are more. Everyone is. I cannot help it but let go an invisible tear of crystal clear gentleness.

Sometimes I betray myself. I imagine my body beheaded, amputated. I beat myself with unleashed anger until, exhausted, I fall over an opaque floor. Aching, I stand up and violently rush towards a wall of remorse against which I squash my head. I jump off a bridge of knowledge into a river of hope. My body explode into infinite pieces when it reaches the surface of the frozen water. Pins that pierce me. Shed blood. I aim with millimetric precision at the heart of an enigmatic being. I pull the trigger. I do not know him. We fall together. He stands up, holds out his hand for me and invites me to walk by his side. I get away. ¿Since when?

ITA asks me why I am writing this in Spanish. Good question, I think to myself. Do I know the answer? I guess I do not know the answer, even though it might seem that what I am willing to share would flow easier in Spanish. Not today, not today.

Today is AH's birthday and her celebration coincides with many more. It has been a while since the last time I went to a party but I decide to stop by. This week, two. Tomorrow there is another one. That one, I will do more than just stopping by.

I get to AH's house when no one is still there, but late. That is how it works, everywhere.